Greetings from my cage, my wonderful sycophants!
This is a shit update email.
There I said it. I promise nothing within but rubbish. This is the middling time in-between books when the most interesting thing I’ve done beyond stare at my computer screen for six hours a day, is watching a movie or two and drinking whiskey while playing half life 2 in the expectation of half life 3 getting released one of these days.
This blog is going to go downhill from here.
How are we all? Me? I’m tired. Very tired. Working hard. I have an update on Actions of Gods. It’s not a great one unfortunately. I can’t see it getting released this year. Early next year though so technically I’m only a few months behind deadline. It’s shaping up to be possibly my longest book and this fuken thing will not drag. I hate end of series books that drag everything down. Oh no, it will be non stop.
In other words my impatient lunatics, I think it’ll be worth it.
As for an update on the writing, well, later today I’ve to go finish this chapter where I kill off a character. Should be so much fun. Or surprisingly hilarious. Or heartrendingly tragic. Or blissfully unexpected. Or completely underwhelming. Or put the book down shocking. Or incredibly overdue cos nobody liked them as a character anyway. Or it could be Erroh. Or none of the above. Or perhaps all of the above. I like all my readers to go through the emotions. I did write The Seven after all. Did you read The Seven? Did you buy it? Did you review it? You should do all of the above. And then buy The Crimson Hunters. That’s a great book. There’s magic and shit. And big scary monsters. Fuken gigantic demonic spider monsters!
Scary!!!
There’s also The Fighting Mongoose. We could all use a little fighting mongoose in our lives.
Also, buy them because I’m trying to buy a house and I need all the money you will give me.
It's hard to find a house with a moat!
Or one with planning permission for a moat!
These are the issues I’m facing, so next time you think you have it hard, put yourself in my boots.
Anyway, as soon as there’s more of an update on books progress I will let you know. In the meantime, reassure yourself with a quote from Gabe Newell on the release of Half life episode 3 “these things take time.”
(Don’t google Gabe Newell and Half Life 3. Just… sigh… don’t.)
So what else is there to talk about?
They actually gave me nothing to talk about this month, apart from one titbit. Hilariously, I think they wanted me to start with this but I am an artist and I roll my way.
Which is rather slowly apparently.
I’m sure you’ve seen from my “active” social media pages that I’m a rather private person. I never do press events, or interviews or anything much beyond looking out of my cage every now and then. I just don’t like to share much of my life with the world. (Apart from the rambling on this email) Truly, I’m a relic in this day and age. Exposure? Retweets? Bah, the Rob doesn’t really crave these things, much to the chagrin of those who design my route to success in the book market.
APPARENTLY A BLOG UPDATE AND EMAIL ISN’T ENOUGH FOR THESE FUKS ANYMORE AND FUK THEM.
Where was I?
Oh yeah, I value my quiet.
(I think the world as a whole would be a better place if more of us did as well.)
So here I was, living a nice private quiet life until a “good friend” of mine started up a podcast a little time ago and threatened that if I didn’t appear he’d go online and give a TRUE update on how little I’ve progressed with Actions of Gods. Needless to say, in a desperate attempt to avoid the avalanche of torrid abuse I received before March of Magnus was released, I begrudgingly agreed to the endeavour. I’d like to take this moment to say
Darian has crabs.
Darian is a stupid name.
Fuk you Darian.
So please, bring the lights down low, maybe have a little mood music playing in the background and listen to the sultry tones of the Rob as he reveals all in glorious soporific tones.
If nothing else, I hope you will have a laugh and get to know me a little more.
Right, I’ve fulfilled my duties. I’m off to watch Top Gun Maverick for the third time this week.
Take care of yourself and each other.
Rob
Ps, much love to Zim Zam.